Sphincter

Sphincter, the game... of stain. The original sphincter rules were first established in late 1999 by The Legendary SmoothArtist (Michael Drake) and Alex Au-Yeung. ie the National Sphincter Governing Body. Since then there have been minor changes to the rules in order to create a more rounded game. The latest version of the rules will always be available here. The current revision is at version 1e. Should you have any queries related to Sphincter e-mail me at mike@smoothartist.com or Alex at akh_auyeung@hotmail.com. If you do have a query please send a copy of your e-mail to both Alex and I, for administrative purposes.

Sphincter Rule Book (Revision 1e)

The Rule Book is split into the following sections:

Terminology
Introduction
Basic Rules
Win / Lose Conditions
Variations
Strategies

1. Terminology

At first a beginner may find it difficult to get into Sphincter as there are many unique names for the different items in the game. This creates the Cock ON atmosphere of the game and adds to the hilarity of the situation. Here is a short list of definitions:

Sphincter - This is the name given to the cue ball. It is usually pink.

The Fardlands - The Fardland is the territory over which the battle is played out. It is split into two EndZones and the No-Mans-Land in the centre.

EndZones - These are situated at either ends of the Fardlands. They are a players own territory.

No-Mans-Land - This is the large neutral area at the centre of the court.

Guardians of the Law - A players defensive balls. The number allocated to each side depends on the variation of sphincter that you are playing. With no Guardians of the Law left on your side the Sentinel cannot operate correctly and so you lose.

Sentinels - These guys definitely have the groin for the job. They are the hub of your whole defensive system. One player has the black Sentinel while the other player takes command of the white.

Neutral Orifice - These are the the centre pockets.

Home Orifice - These are the corner pockets. Just to make the game that bit more difficult to understand (read cunning), these pockets are dynamic and have different functions for each player.

Reclaiming - This is the act of reclaiming a potted ball and placing it within your EndZone. This act is subject to the Reclaiming Conditions, in the Basic Rules section.

Draw Shot - Should a player have their defence destroyed they have one single shot with which to destroy their opponents defences and hence, draw. The draw shot rules are slightly different in the two Sphincter variations.

Taming - The act of winning can be termed taming. ie the objective of Sphincter is to tame.

Active player - This is the player who's current turn it is. The inactive player is the active players opponent.

Ass-Shot - This is a shot that can be taken when the Sphincter is further from your EndZone then your opponents' Sentinel. To define a shot as an Ass-Shot you must be able to get a clear hit on the opponents Sentinel and be able to hit it towards your EndZone.

Ass Shot - An Ass Shot is simply a poor shot. Not to be confused with an Ass-Shot.

2. Introduction

The idea of the game is to win by annihilating your opponents defences. This is what makes it so swift and hugely better then pool and even snooker. Once all a players defences are vanquished, the player has one last chance to draw the game. After a taming, the whole Fardlands can be termed the winning players territory. The following sections will describe how to play the variations of Sphincter.

3. Basic Rules

To start a game the Sphincter is placed on the centre spot and the players Sentinels and Guardians of the Law are also placed on the Fardlands. A player can put their Sentinel and Guardians of the Law anywhere within their Endzone.

Decide which player is to go first. The starting player must play from the centre spot and the sphincter must touch one of the opponents balls. From this point on both players will take alternate shots. (A turn will consist of only one shot.)

The players must try to defend their own Sentinel, pot the opponents' Sentinel in their home pockets, or pot the opponents' Guardians in the neutral or their own home pockets. Each time a player takes a turn they have the option of playing from the current Sphincter position or placing the Sphincter somewhere within their EndZone and playing from there.

Reclaiming Conditions

A potted ball can be reclaimed if:

The active player pots a Sentinel or a Guardian of their own into their home pockets or the neutral pockets. They can then reclaim the potted ball and place it within their EndZone
If it flies of the table. It is replaced by the owner of the ball in their EndZone. (Note: Should the Sphincter come off the table or get potted in any pocket it is returned to the centre spot.)
The active player pots the opponents Guardian or Sphincter in the opponents home pockets. The opponent can then replace their ball in their EndZone before taking their turn.
Should any Sentinel drop into a neutral orifice it is replaced by its' owner into their EndZone

Miscellaneous Rules

At the start of a players turn they can choose to play from the Sphincters' current position or place the Sphincter within their EndZone and play from there.

A Players' turn consists of only one hit of the Sphincter. If you pot something you will not get a second shot.

The active player can hit any ball they choose with the Sphincter.

If a player fouls (ie touches a ball other then the Sphincter, fails to hit a ball with the Sphincter or knocks a ball off the table) then their turn ends. The opponent does not get two shots.

Should a player satisfy the taming conditions (ie they have potted the opponents Guardians or their Sentinel) the opponent gets a chance to pull of the draw shot. This means they have one shot to satisfy the taming conditions themselves. They could either try to pot the opponents remaining Guardians or pot the opponents Sentinel. To draw, these balls must not have been potted in a position where they can be reclaimed.

There is no limit to the number of balls that can be potted in a shot. Any potted ball is subject to the reclaiming rules.

4. Win / Lose Conditions

The game is tamed when:

All the opponents Guardians of the Law are potted as this leaves the Sentinel dysfunctional. However when all the opponents Guardians of the Law are potted they still have a chance to draw. See draw conditions.
When the opponents' Sentinel is potted, as this destroys the very epicentre of their defence. Again they will have a chance to draw and their Sentinel must be potted in one of your home pockets.

The game is drawn when the draw shot is achieved. This is done by:

Potting the opponents remaining Guardians of the Law with the final draw shot.
Potting the opponents Sentinel with the final draw shot.

The game is lost when

Your opponent pots all your Guardians of the Law.
Your opponent pots your Sentinel.

The balls must not be potted is a pocket from which allows them to be reclaimed. This is true for all the tame / fail conditions.

5. Variations

Sphincter has two variants. These are Simple Mans Sphincter and the more tactical and demanding form, Sphincter: The Beast. Generally these names are shortened to S-S-Sphincter (to be said with a stutter) and Sphincter, respectively. S-S-Sphincter is played with 4 Guardians of the Law. Whereas Sphincter is played with 7 Guardians.

Also there is another slight difference concerning the draw shot. In S-S-Sphincter the draw shot is played as stated earlier. However in Sphincter: The Beast, should your opponent have satisfied the win conditions, you also have the chance to pot all the opponents remaining guardians. The difference is that in Sphincter: The Beast you can pot them one after another. If you miss or foul once you will end the break and therefore lose the match. You draw when you pot the final ball, even if you foul on it. During this break you can not move the sphincter, you must play this final break as if it where a pool or snooker break. These are the only differences.

6. Strategies

I will split this into to two sub-sections. OK, boy? Boy, I say BOY? Hmm, well I will, arrggg.

Basic Strategies

Essentially the game is very simple. Your most important ball is the Sentinel. Therefore at the end of a turn you must leave it safe. Try to play your shot to leave your Sentinel in your EndZone and also try to leave the Sphincter in their EndZone. This will mean they have to play from their EndZone and have no other option. Try your very best not to leave your opponent with an Ass-Shot.

Potting your own Guardians or Sentinel (anywhere but their home pockets) can be useful as you can reclaim the potted ball and put it anywhere in your EndZone.

If your Sentinel is already safe then play an attacking shot. Their Sentinel may be in their EndZone, in which case you will probably have to play a double. Try to double their Sentinel into your EndZone (Towards your home pockets). If you can't get a decent shot on their Sentinel, try to pot one of their Guardians. Pot it anywhere but their home pockets.

This is the last point: Whatever you do, don't pot your Sentinel in their home pocket as this will result in instant and immediate DEATH. However, you will get the chance to draw the game. You can still play a draw shot to pot their Sentinel in your home pocket.

Starting Formations

These beasts play a cunning role in making Sphincter great. Adding a whole extra dimension to a players' strategy, it is the incredible idea that makes Sphincter so much better then Pool or Snooker. The players themselves decide how to place their Guardians and Sentinel in their end of the Fardlands (EndZone).

A poor starting formation can destine your side to be doomed to failure before you even start. A weak formation is easily shattered and can result in your untimely demise. A good formation is harder to break and therefore leaves you with a fighting chance of success. The following are examples of good starting strategies:

This is my favourite starting formation. I call it High-Rise Goat, the reason for this should be plainly obvious, to even the biggest of fools. But sadly it's not. Check it:

Key: Yellow = Guardian, White = Sentinel.

High-Rise Goat
A Sphincter Starting Formation

The central column of balls provides a Newton's cradle type effect. If your opponent strikes the first ball in the column, the last ball (the one nearest the cushion), travels towards the cushion. This ball bounces of the cushion and and hits the column again. This sends the first ball out into No-Mans-Land. The Sentinel should not move. Also the Guardians on the side prevent your opponent from attacking the Sentinel from a side cushion.

Sphincter: A Whole New Ball Game!!

SmoothArtist
(tlsa)