Snooker & Pool

Snooker

The Legendary SmoothArtist enjoys a swift game of snooker, pool (all variants) and sphincter now and again. However, I don't get to play as much as I would like. These games all share many similarities but they are also very different in terms of rules, tactics and the whole feel to the game. Put simply all three of these games are played with balls and cues on felt covered tables but what the players have to do in a match differs greatly between the games.

Snooker and pool are both traditional games that have been around for some time, however Sphincter is fairly new by comparison. The rules of Sphincter play where first conceived in late 1999 by the National Sphincter Governing Body which was formed around the same time. The highly respected NSGB consist of me (Michael Drake) and a friend of mine, Alexander Au-Yeung. Please visit the official NSGB Sphincter rulebook.

In the following text I will try to explain how snooker is good and certainly better then pool, but both are mere jokes of games by comparison to Sphincter (a game that can be described by the words Legendary, Smooth and Artistic):

Snooker

This is not a complex guide to the history of snooker or details of how snooker is played. It is simply a brief account of the basics, so simple in fact, that even your average disc jockey would be able to comprehend it (perhaps at a push). Snooker is a much more complex and tactical game then pool, frames will often take longer and be more mentally gruelling. Snooker is played with 22 balls, that's 15 red, 6 colours (including black) and the white cue ball.

The players objective is to gain a higher number of points then his or her opponent. Points are awarded when a ball is "potted" down one of the six holes at the side of the table. It is taken in turns to play and the turn ends when a ball is not potted or a foul is committed. The tactical element of the game comes from the safety shots. These are shots that you play to leave your opponent in a tricky situation. It is this element that turns what would otherwise be a dull, futile, funless task into the stain worthy game we all know to be called snooker.

Pool

Pool is a simple race type game. The idea is to pot all your balls and before your opponent. There are variations on the theme eg number of balls and whether you must pot your balls is a certain order etc. This game does not involve much thought and so it can be played to relax or against a friend who has not got the groin for snooker. All in all it can be thought of as fairly dull and uninspiring.

Sphincter

Although played on a pool or snooker table snooker is vastly different in terms of game design and structure. A player must battle it out pitting their wits against their opponent in a fiendish game of strategy and subterfuge. Sphincter has two variants. These are Simple Mans Sphincter and the more tactical and demanding form, Sphincter: The Beast. Generally these names are shortened to S-S-Sphincter (to be said with a stutter) and Sphincter, respectively

Each player has a "Sentinel" and a number of "Guardians of the Law", there is one neutral ball, the Sphincter. During play the Sphincter plays the role of a cue ball. The Fardlands (table) are split into three key zones; the players each have their own territory or end zone and also there is a large, neutral area of no-mans-land. The aim of the game is to destroy the enemies defences and assume control of your legacy, the Fardlands.

For more details on how to actually play Sphincter take a look at the Sphincter rulebook.

Once you've played a few games of all three of these beasts I'm sure you'll agree that Sphincter is indeed the best game ever devised by mankind.

SmoothArtist
(tlsa)